Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Why "Suit and Tie" from Justin Timberlake is really about cross-dresser rape.

Alright. I don't usually rant much in here. But this blog is about writing, and I do believe whoever wrote this song "Suit and Tie", sung(?) by Justin Timberlake,  managed to create the most hideous musical creature since anything sung by Miten.

Now, I know that not many people listen to song lyrics like they did in the sixties, when things would still make a little sense even on acid. Still, I can but wonder what kind of producer would allow such a monstrosity to be born without the help of heavy medication, acute deafness and a probable concussion.

Unless is contains a message about transgender rape advocacy.
Which I'm convinced it does, read on to know why.

For reasons mostly legal, I cannot transcribe all of the lyrics here. Don't worry, though, I chose for you the best of the worst. Try to not do anything you'd regret after reading. Oh, and I commented. Of course I did.

"I be on my suit and tie, shit tie, shit tie"

Okay, you've been saying that for a while now, and I really want to know, are you really that mad at your tie? Or is wearing a tie so traumatizing it induces short term memory losses, and you get surprised every time you see it?

"Can I show you a few things, a few things, a few things, little baby? / 'Cause... / I be on my suit and tie, shit tie, shit"

I'll go for the memory loss explanation. Or your tie is made of fecal matter. I'm good with both.


"I can't wait 'til I get you on the floor, good-looking"

That's what I like about love songs. A good old knuckle sandwich. That's boding well for the rest of the evening. Hope you've got some roofies left in your stash.

"Going hot, so hot, just like an oven"

What women really like to be compared with, is ovens. I don't know, there's this thing with women and kitchen, it just turns them on. Just like an oven (Oh shit I can do it too! Shit oven! Shit Oven!)

"Hey baby, we don't mind all the watching, ha
Cause if they study close, real close
They might learn something"

Nothing about songwriting, I fear.

"She ain't nothing but a little doozie when she does it"

That, I don't get. Who's that little doozie you're talking about? I thought you were addressing that girl you just punched unconscious ? Or is this memory thing playing tricks on you again?

"And you're dressed in that dress I like
Let me show you a few things
Show you a few things about love"

Recap: your tie made of feces gives you memory holes, you want to knock down a lady while people are watching, you're calling her an oven and your weirdly deviant concept of love suggests that there's more? Want!

"Stop, let me get a good look at it
Oh, so thick, now I know why they call it a fatty"

HAH! So that's the surprise! A PENIS! Here it is! That's the first song about cross-dresser rape I've ever half-listened to!

"I guess they're just mad cause girl, they wish they had it"

Ehr. Not to disappoint you but… Oh well to each their own, I guess.

[Verse 3: Jay-Z]

Here I could copy-paste the whole lyrics up to the copyright infringement level, and you would still think I took them one line at the time from different sources. 25 lines of the most obscure references possible. Or ties. Maybe it has something to do with those bloody ties. Chosen morsels:

"Nothing exceeds like excess"

Yup.

"Stoute got gout from having the best of the best"

Yup! Wait… what?

"Years of distress, tears on the dress
Trying to hide her face with some make up sex"

Face goes where again?!

"This is truffle season
Tom Ford tuxedos for no reason"

Pray, I never!

"Alexander Wang too"

Oooh, Wang too sounds like 'one two'. But then the name is Asian, so that's not racist...right?

"Oh..."

Best part of the song. 


JT, you've successfully convinced me that the only valuable lyrics here pertain to an act as despicable as it is disturbing. That you would like to sing about is escapes my logic by digging holes it in with rusty power tools. I would award you with the "Worst song of the decade" award, but, looking at things realistically, I am pretty sure you will not stop there. 

Dear readers, you might want to share this post around, and let people realize how distressingly weak is the music some of them are listening.  Tie listening, tie listening, tie listening.


More info, more cake and still no lemon at Without a Lemon's Facebook Page

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